dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
