cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
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