You smell like a Billy Joel song
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
