The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Randomize
