I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Randomize
