thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
