then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Randomize
