dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
there is glitter all over my balls
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
