I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
