I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Randomize
