I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Randomize
