Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
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