I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize
