Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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