the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Randomize
