my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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