Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
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