she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
even my farts smell like vagina
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
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