My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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