and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Randomize
