You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
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