im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
