So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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