You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
