8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I have fence marks all over my body
That's how pantless uber rides happen
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
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