so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
