I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
