Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
me + whiskey = a bad person
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Randomize
