ya dads aren't the best wingmen
omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
