i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Randomize
