Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
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