my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
