He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
