Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
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