I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
