You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Randomize
