My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
