One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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