and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
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