I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
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