Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Randomize
