dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
