he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I just found puke in my bra..
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I need moral support for this bender
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Please don't give away my fajitas
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