May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Randomize
