I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Randomize
