she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
