I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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