I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
