for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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