This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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