So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
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