her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Randomize
