How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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