I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
