the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I am one with the molecules
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
