he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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