you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
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