I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Randomize
