took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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