My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
