He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
