I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
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