his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Randomize
