You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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