Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
