she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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