My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Randomize
