I'm really into asian looking animals
just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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