Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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