so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
