I murdered the dance floor call the cops
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Randomize
