My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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