you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
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