we have officially lost it.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Randomize
