I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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