Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Randomize
