we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
time to smoke my breakfast
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize