Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Randomize
