Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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