she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
