He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Randomize
