Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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