areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
