MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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